Guest post by Author Nancy Lewis-Shelton
FORGIVING OTHERS
Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob. Genesis 27:41 (NIV)
Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. Genesis 33:4 (NIV)
Twin brothers, Jacob and Esau, didn’t get along. Esau was tricked by his brother in order to receive the father’s inheritance. Then Jacob ran away, and the brothers didn’t see each other for years. Finally, when they did meet, Esau had forgiven him.
Many of us probably know of similar hurts and transgressions in our families. Years ago, my grandfather disowned his sixteen-year-old daughter. According to the sister, after a final argument, my grandfather screamed at Nell and told her to leave and never return. She chose to disappear, leaving to join a traveling circus troop. Finally, in old age, Nell reached out to her father and sister. The family reconnected and all found forgiveness. However, there was little time left for my grandfather, who passed away soon after their reunion.
My own, most difficult struggle with forgiveness, happened during my divorce from a marriage of twenty-three years. How could I forgive those who caused me such great pain? I knew God wanted me to do that, but I thought I couldn’t. I even considered revengeful actions until I read, “Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.” (Romans 12:17 NIV)
For a while, my life improved, but I recognized that my hurt and anger were not gone. I found myself complaining to my friends, wondering what I’d done wrong, and feeling betrayed by everyone, including God. Finally, I began to pray daily and read Bible verses related to forgiveness including: “Bear with each other, and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
At other times, I have experienced frustration with another person’s words or actions. Most of the time these were minor irritations until a difficult one happened with someone in a group where I was the leader. She didn’t like the outspokenness and bragging of another member, wanting me to “fix it.” After I told her she should talk to the culprit, she became more insistent. The last straw arrived in a vicious e-mail from her. Then the pandemic hit. I was able to avoid personal contact and delete all e-mails from her without reading them.
Not long ago, I thought about my experiences with difficulties of total forgiveness. My frustration turned to guilt for not being more patient. I knew that acquaintance had been through tough times that year with illness and a death of a loved one. Although I’d rather have not seen seen her again, I prayed for peace and compassion, then made a contact knowing that God forgives me regardless of my mistakes. With his help, I could do the same. I still see the woman on occasion and never again has she exhibited hateful behavior toward me.
The Bible instructs us to “Be kind to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV). Although I try to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving, it is not easy. To forgive means I must change my attitude, thoughts, and actions toward someone who has hurt or mistreated me. It’s more than just saying “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.”
Thought: Forgiveness will not change the past, but it can bring about a difference in our futures.
Nancy Lewis-Shelton retired from public education after years as a classroom teacher and school counselor. Published work includes devotionals and fiction/non-fiction short stories for adults and children. Recent publications include two fiction novellas about Cookie, a pet sitter. Volunteer activities include the church senior choir, elementary school Reading Buddy (Council of Churches), and a local oral storytelling group. When she’s not writing or volunteering, you might find her digging in the garden, playing bridge, reading, enjoying events with her daughter’s family, or participating in activities with her pet therapy dog, Robin.